Saturday, October 1, 2011
something i wrote awhile ago...found it today on my comp and thought, why not post it?
What do we do when were lonely? Do we call a friend to share our discomfort? Do we reluctantly make ourselves busy with insignificant tasks to take our mind off reality?? When it comes to loneliness we have tons of options, things we can do to substitute our feeling of misery for a sense of purposeful belonging, so should we act on them? It seems to me that the reality of a lonely existence is quite possibly one of the toughest realities to accept. If I think about the times I have experienced loneliness I never remember looking eye to eye with this troubling foe, ready to experience all it has to offer. There are times in my life when loneliness does not define strongly enough, my emotions. When I am alone with this demon, it seems as if I am a man a world apart from the species that surround me, almost as if I am static energy floating amongst a bright vivid mass that I have no place in. I find it funny how most people can connect with the world around them, intermingle socially, partake enthusiastically and tolerate others with seeming flawlessness, it absolutely amazes me, honestly it makes me jealous. There are times when I look up to the sky and ask god what I’m supposed to do in this jacked up crazy fucking world, and I never get any closer to finding an answer. Like when I am trying to write and my roommates talk as if miles separate us, it fucking pains me. Loneliness is a feeling to be embraced, such as happiness, joy etc. It is a tremendous feat to embrace loneliness, for to embrace loneliness is to embrace the lack of control we have over our feelings, out true dilemma in power. To embrace loneliness is not to run from it, not to do house chores to avoid it’s dismal consequences, or to call our friends as human shields to deflect its inescapable ammunition. No, to embrace loneliness is to comprehend the futility of our own perspective, to understand and familiarize ourselves with our worst demons, it is to understand we must face our loneliness toe to toe.