Sunday, October 2, 2011

the fall of superman......

evrything so certain yesterday, leave, go take care of the ones you love and prosper, right??? today it seems to be a much more sad and puzzling picture than what i thought it was. He is more or less delusional, lost and more insane than i could ever fathom. the man with the "S" on his chest is in a seeming freefall from the sharp cliffs of reality, and i have to say it is extremely disheartening to stand by and watch. His wife is confused and in total disarray, and understandably so, he has lost it completely. my father is a good man, he has a heart of gold and the sharp tact of a washington politician, but even the best suffer at the hands of a mind bent on self destruction. It pains me to see this unfold before my eyes, as if my life wasn't already one big bucket of confusion, i get tossed another ingredient to go into my newest recipe of impending neurosis. man this is a strange fucking life and it all makes no sense, i realize part of life is to grow old and watch the ones you love fall to pieces while trying to keep it together yourself,but now? what a balancing act. But to be realistic, i knew all of this was coming long before i decided to act like i didn't. My family, my father and my puzzling existence all just kind of confirm the imminent for the most part, and it's sad and it sucks, and i kind of want to go to a little known aboriginal village in brazil and not surface for many years,but thats just too much work. fuck life is exhausting, but we play with the hand were dealt, like it or not, this is reality and it must be embraced. so needless to say i want to jump on a plane and fly far, far away from the rest of the world and find a safe haven in the arms of a 5'5 ish to 5'10ish brunette who will stroke my head and tell my stupid little ass, "it's gonna be ok". So i think i might leave soon, go see some new people and discover the same people exist everywhere. maybe watch dreams of little brunettes dancing in my head crumble as i realize my frustrations are an extention of a bigger problem i'm trying to escape. that problem my friends, is reality, what a bitch. nonetheless sometimes i just wish i had someone i can actually stand, by my side going through this together with me, that person was my dad. but now it seems my dream team in the arena of life is slowly dwindling down to me. i'm slowly losing my father, and i think for good...but in the end, i have been used to being on my own team facing the world on my own accord, for thats what i do best, i guess...so other than the obvious deterioration of my superhero's physical and mental condition, the song remains the same....confusion, intrigue, frustration and an ever puzzling feeling i have looking at the world arround me...whatever, right??? mozoltov! very fitting considering it is the jewish new year, which is great but i wish i could be celebrating the holiday i like to call "alex gets a new life, family and friends that actually mean something to him"....oh well theres always next year right??? everyone have a wonderfull day.

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