Friday, September 30, 2011

blahdy blah blah, weekend time.

I'm off to do the, "ole formal rendevous", a man meets woman situation of sorts. The situation, a silly improv show at a second rate comedy joint downtown,excited? not really, just more or less happy that i have something to do on a friday night other than look forward to another grueling weekend of work. You see i have this weekend off which is great, this means my saturday and sunday's will be free of directing a bunch of emotionally disruptive people who don't know there head from there ass, this is great. I am looking forward to this weekend. with the smell of football and cooler weather in the air, this two day workless affair looks promising. I am thinking it will be jumbled with; naps, lounging and pleanty of sweatpant wearing, crotch grabbing excelence, awwwwww freedom. i hope to get some writing done on my so called "book" that i have failed to work on for the latter part of a few weeks now. it is important for me to remember that the weekends are short and it will be over before i realize it's here, i just hope i remember to enjoy it, with such a tough week thats passed at work i feel it will be necessary to mantain my sanity, what little i have anyway. tommorow i plan to wake up whenever i feel like it, do some laundry and escape my life through some new albums i just bought at the record store, cant wait. and once thats all done it'll be time to watch some oregon ducks football, and cook myself a fat meal and tell everyone to F off, after of course i pick up my anniversary chip. So i'm off to go get it started late this evening, hopefully this will be the first step in the commencement of a great and duty-free weekend.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

i am a hopeless romantic, shoot me please

Im such a hopeless romantic, it's really kind of nauseating. I lay back in my bed and can't help but think of what an overwhelming desire i have to find someone that i can love and live with for the rest of my life, what a bunch of horseshit. I feel that the only action appropriate to undertake next is to grab a box of tissues, pull up a chair and watch a couple of hearfelt seasons of gossip girl.what a bunch of shit. So now that i have come to the realization that i'm actually a hopless romantic pussy, i am also kind of sad to, for with most realizations of the vaginal kind, sadness comes as an added perk.I never thought that i would fall victim to this whole whimsical sort of idea of soul mates, and all that other drab, primetime television bullshit, but apparently "CBS CARES" made quite the impression on me and here i sit with an overwhelming desire for female life partnership. that is really all i felt a need to write tonight, probably my shortest rant ever, but a rant nonetheless. at the end of the day, everyone wants someone to miss,someone to worry about and care about, but seldom do people find the right combination of crazy that makes it all last. I think i've come to a point in my life where i need more than just a warm body.

Monday, September 26, 2011

" I cant sleep, and a TLC song is stuck in my head"

"It's just of them thangs that a girl goes through", the immortal words of an early 90's TLC song sum up my night quite eloquontly(fuck i cant spell that word). While i lay here in my bed tossing and turning trying to dictate different outcomes for the universe, i couldn't help but think how that song would make a clever little intro to my blog. It seems that "One of them thangs" i am currently battling is the innability to sleep. My innability to slumber has not been to much of a reoccuring issue as of late, which makes it harder for me to deal with. First off i closed the store tonight, which put me out the door somewhere north of 11:00 P.M. After i closed the store i took my usual 20-30 minute stroll down hwy 17 to get home at arround 11:45. If any of you folks know it is generally hard to get off work and immediately pass out into an unconscious "log like" slumber. Generally when you get home late and work late there are a few token things that work against your every move towards a deep, and restfull night in the sack, Number one being your metabollic rate. You see when one runs arround at work completing numerous tasks and utilizing energy, ones awareness and physical prowess heighten just a bit, making it very tough to settle down imediately after completing your last task off the laundry list. Reason number two is the ever active neurotic brain of a confused, young and crazy young adult( and i'm not talking about me! HA!) With an ever burning desire to think to much and an ego that wont quit. this ones brain tends to have little mercy on his tired and frustrated body, needless to say my body is not on speaking terms with my mind at the moment, in fact my body has asked my mind to sleep on the couch tonight and take his nonsense to the living room. With that being said i have a mind full of crap that is dying to put something on the internet, coupled with a strong desire to get back into bed and on speaking terms with the other half, and i got to tell ya, the body is not to thrilled with the mind at the moment. So, i get home from work tonight and jump on "The book", check my e-mail as usual and i see i have a message from a former high school love hostage, and the wheels start turning (and if you end up reading this, I'm sorry this is the honesty hour, apprehensives beware!) you see i wrote this blog last night that kind of gave a rough overview of my struggles as an adolescent and it was a heartfelt metaphorical type of write, with alot of emotion tied into it. With that being said the time period in which it was written, involved this young lady indirectly. So, i get home read my e-mail and she kinda tells me whats going on with her; new job etc. and in a roundabout way is like, Dude come out here to visit. this lit a flame that ignited a blazing phsychotic revolution in my brain,kinda like most things really. Nonetheless, i started thinking that i would really love to go out there and visit ya know, see her, see some family (the ones i can still fathom talking to) and maybe make up for a little of my douchey streak in highschool. My douchey streak in high school, was pretty much as douchey as you can get, ya know; lying about insignificant things, lots of drugs, angry at the world, woe is me and all the other particulars that go along with being a severely handicapped emotional individual. amongst all the chatter in my brain about visiting this girl, i had to think about the fact that i plan to visit with my father sometime before christmas, and how was i going to schedule it all and if i wait to long she'll probably get the whole "Open door is now closed policy" thing going on and i'll be an afterthought. so many things to consider with so little time, what the fuck?? It upsets me that my brain always picks the most inopurtune times to think of all this shit, what an asshole. If my brain was a person it would have no friends, because it would be a straight up douche, whatever. and amongst other things, one of my most highly regarded "bretheren in blog" commented on my blog today, and his comment consisted of a short, sweet, yet lethal combination of words that no writer wants to hear. He said, "I missed the whole theme here on this one, not really sure what it meant" but he followed his harsh words up with a politicaly correct, "But i'm a blockhead reader, so it might have been me". I think that when someone tells the truth and then softens the blow with the ole "It's not you it's me", sort of bit, it can be more disheartening. I felt like i was on the bad end of a break-up of sorts. I was left thinking that he really wanted to tell me that my blog was a big messy, wallowy emotional quagmire filled with inconcistency. if he would have left a comment like that, i would have been like, "Yeah Man! my blog sucks ass!! and your totally right!". Frankly, now i'm a tad scared that i will get a good ole thrashing at the hands of these blogworld juggernauts! Avast! i stand ready for battle, For the pen is mightier than the sword!!! (stupid cliche reference, Check!)I'm probably going to take a licking for this one, but maybe not, these gentleman can appreciate objective humor, although everything changes for the human being when the ego is challenged, fuck it. i just don't want to end up like that asshole "Njunta" or some shit, this guy got a knock on his door, a fist through the face and a pretty severe MSpaint asswhoopin'. At any rate Thanks for softening the blow guys!!! and i quite enjoyed your blog about the food network today, i'm whipping up some fried pigeon as we speak, with a touch of post embriotic garnish of my own. Anyways i think that's it for now, i hope i can sleep, if not then i'll be back for round two of rutheless rants regarding my stupid little existence, after all, "it's just one of them thangs, That a girl goes through".

Saturday, September 24, 2011

"the man without a face"

a man was born yesterday without a face, no identifying characteristics except pain. He walked among the other folks in the world without identity. Faceless, no one could identify who or what he was, it was impossible. They told him that he had a name and that he would live up to this alias prescribed him at birth, he believed them, but being faceless he realized it impossible to live amongst the others, because they could not see him. During his younger years he remembered being on the playground amongst the other children trying to mingle with them the best he could, but it was as if he could not identify with any of the other children, he was alone. As he grew he saw the other children grow into there enviornment. The kids played soccer, football and took after school karate, he did none of this, for he did not understand nor find any joy in this whatsoever. This feeling only furthered this faceless childs disconnection with the others, yet he was not done trying. After school he would race down to the other end of the cul-de-sac to try and join in with the other children who played touch football and made mischief throughout the neighborhood. He played and played and played in an almost passionate fashion, he played so hard that some of the other kids wondered if there was something wrong with this faceless child who would not go home long after the street lights came on. The parents would walk out into the long winding end of their driveways and beckon their children home, they would go, but the faceless child would stay, he would stay in hopes that someone would see him playing and come out to join him, but they all stayed in. He stood in the the dark streets playing even harder, hoping someone would come and rescue him from his isle of confusion and distress, Noone came, and there he stood whistling in the dark hoping against hope. As this faceless child grew older he grew more desperate, he knew that somehow someway he would be able to break out of his faceless nature, he would find identity. He grew into his teenage years and started drinking heavily, long lonely nights in his grandmothers basement tortured with confounding confusion and depression, he could only pray the hairs on his head would give easily because he had no choice but to pull them out, in hopes to possibly thin out the barrier between him and his troubled mind. he looked at pictures of his father and his mother and could not help but be so confused as to why they had to concieve him, for he felt there was no real purpose for him on earth. He cried and laid in his basement dwelling with no one at all aware of the pain and anguish his mind made victim of him every night of his life. He knew he could not escape, so he drank, and drank and smoked pot untill his body forced him to pass out, he wanted it all to be over. He woke up again the next day, same reality but yet again he checked the mirror just in case he could make out a face staring back at him, nothing, more drugs. This child was lost, walking arround an endless sea of existence in which he could not give meaning to. He gets home from another trying day at school, takes 27 asprin and starts chugging tequila hoping that his stomach would rupture from the combination of enteric coating and alcohol. Bold, significant warning labels on the bottle told him this would happen. He turned off the lights and dressed up in his nicest clothes and put a picture of his mother and father in his pocket, he was ready to die, or just ready for something else other than this life he seemed sentenced to. He cried his eyes out uncontrollably chanting, "I wanna die, I wanna die", in a tearfull dribbly voice. He thought about his father who he had not had a relationship with in years and pondered his poor mother who had little else to live for except to just make sure her kids had a mother. Then he thought about how he would never be able to see who attended his funeral, but then again he knew that a faceless man without identity didn't really draw a crowd at the funeral home, this selfish thought saved him. He sprung from the couch and ran to the bathroom and purged the toxic solution out of his stomach. It floored him how much he really wanted to die, he couldn't believe it, he had always fantacised about it in the past but never actually went as far as trying to execute it. How is a kid with all this shit going on supposed to go back to school the next day? not sure, but he did. Fresh off a suicide attempt he started his day in weight training class with all the people he despised, the confident ones, the ones who seemed to float through life with ease, the ones who could not recognize his face. He walked laps arround the school so he did not settle to long in one spot. For he knew he could not relate to anyone nor could they him, he just wanted a place to sit down, someone to talk to, but he never found it. Perpetually troubled by his confusing and melancholy existence, he could often be seen sitting alone in the cafateria, praying someone would join him, but they never came, instead he was met with ridicule and rutheless criticism. There were times when this faceless child would sit alone and cry because he knew no one could rescue him, but yet he knew deep down that no one could save him if they did not see him. This faceless man still wanders through life, still confused but with the confusion comes periods of lucid clarity where he can see peace and happiness in his own life, and more importantly, in the lives of others. This man walks amongst us today, not only does he walk amongst us, but he can easily be recognized. One morning this man woke up from a deep slumber that lasted his whole life, a slumber which he realized he could never wake himself from, a slumber which god could only lift from his tired soul, He looked in the mirror and he smiled, He had a face, and it was beautifull.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Part 3 "Let there be religion", The adventures of Mr. Mammoth skin

sad and guilt ridden by his own handy work, Mr. mammoth skin could not bring himself to venture out of his cave. Mr. mammothskin looked down at duke and told him to "get the fuck out of his cave", "go be with your family asshole, you spend so much time trying to steal my fortunes, you miss out on the ones right in front of you!". Mr mammothskin could probably afford to take his own advice. Reason number one being,the demise of his innovation that transformed mankind,it was great,sure, but when you squander gifts in an endless sea of temporary satisfaction, victory is shortlived. Amongst other things, Mr mammothskin also gave mankind another innovation. This attitude patented by Mr. mammothskin would plague mankind for endless years. But Mr. Mammoth skin was ignorant and unaware of much aside from himself, because of this his unsuspecting behavior showed few signs of spreading, after all it's hard to see the truth when you cant see past the lies that entrap every waking moment of your existence. "He meant no harm", little did he know this little phrase he used all to often would become the basis of human dishonesty for the ladder part of history. Feeling the need to take his own advice and troubled by the obvious pickle he jammed himself in between, he did something odd. Mr. Mammothskin in an obviously desperate state dropped to his knees and begged for mercy. he spoke to noone directly but he looked up at the sky as if some great rain would fall to cast relief upon his weary soul, Mr. mammothskin felt relief. Mr Mammothskin, for the first time in days emerged from his cave, free and able to look the world in the eye, for he had to, a whole legion of people looked to him for leadership. With his new found resolve Mr mammothskin set out to do something amazing, proclaiming it in honor of the entity in the sky that freed him from his sorrow. what the world saw next was yet another revolutionary change that set the world ablaze. A blaze that burned hotter than the first time one ambitious neandrathal asshole started a fire.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The adventures of Mr. mammoth skin part deux.

He woke up one morning in a daze, with all the intense partying and gratuitous drug use and over the top antics, it seemed this mammoth skinned asshole payed a price. The mammoth skinned asshole stumbled out towards the opening of his cave and stared down at the landscape that had sprung up arround him. Below a couple levels were some of his top paying execs. who made just enough money to smell the stench of booze and vagina radiating out of his ever lively dwelling place, they were close enough to dream. and down another level lie the factory managers, quality assurance guy's, and salesman, always looking up waiting for one of those top level execs. to fall so they could get one step closer to smelling the top. Below these salesman and Q.I. assholes lived the workers. These workers, the Mechanics, the laborers, the cleaners and the wheel techs, well, they wanted none of what these salesman, Q.I. guys and execs had, no, they were more concerned about taking care of their family and enjoying what they had than anything else. One could say they had what they wanted, and wanted what they had. The mammoth skinned asshole looked down from atop the hill at all these folks and saw a disgusting, awfull existence, that he was very well responsible for. He looked arround his cave, the strippers, g-strings, the booze, Had he gone to far? before he could ponder an honest rebuttal to his own question, he looked down to find one of his execs. pawing at his feet. This fellow was an overly ambitious and cunning little bastard, he was the type that would sing sweet tunes to your face but conduct a quiet rendition of caeser behind your back, "Ey tu Brute?". at any rate this asshole named duke was just laying in wait for mr. mammoth skins' sorry ass to die. at night he would pray for the death of mr. mammoth skin only for the benefit of his own realizations of being rich and powerfull. Mr. mammoth skinned gazed upon him in a guilt ridden sort of way, "I did this to you", "what", Duke said...."I Did this to you". " I mean look at you, the only thing you haven't done not to gain my approval is give me blowjobs, and i'm not 100% sure that you haven't done that while i slumber. I Mean come on man, you treat me like a god yet you curse my existence when my eyes are diverted elsewhere, your a disgustingly greedy and selfish animal, and I Mr. mammoth skin have created you!!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Adventures of Mr. Mammoth skin ( a short story to be continued)

a distinct feeling of seperation, we talked about; religion, philosophy and all the other unsure mythology us humans have interpreted out of life. She brought up that uncomfortable topic of discussion that makes me cringe. I cringe for fear that i will be like all the other wonderfull folks out there who spew there ignorant beliefs all over people to give justification to their own nonsense. I have a problem talking about faith, about god and about the analysis of the human mind. Nothing in this world is sure, and nothing we know is at all ceratin, it all originates from one little mammoth skinned asshole with one big idea to change the world.

at the beggining of time some asshole with a club and a mammoth skinned smock decided that it would be a good idea to build some fire. a little later on he decided that fire was not good enough, though enchanted with the fire itself, the asshole decides that he is bored and must find some sort of way to transcend his present circumstances. A wheel he thought! if i could find some sort of contraption to aid in the transport of my goods i could set out across the landscape and diversify. Maybe i can grow a business, maybe i can tax what i sell and maybe, just maybe everyone else will be stupid enough to humor my pitch. everyone in this assholes world worked hard, they had to, with no way of making there inevitable grind easier, they accepted their fate and did what they had to do, for they knew no other way. With news of the wheel and transportation spreading like "wildfire"(a pun) demand for this contraption grew exponentially. when the mammoth skinned asshole started out he fashioned just enough wheel to pull a small primitive archaic like wagon to move small things arround the house, or cave, the mammoth skinned asshole never imagined in all his wildest dreams that news of his invention would be so popular. He started meeting with representatives who did purchasing and product research for other tribes, he quickly grew business relationships across the vast uncharted landscape. Wealthy and now highly respected throughout the community, this mammoth skinned asshole was living large. He was jocking the bitches and slapping the hoes, one would say he was keeping his "pimp club strong". naturally like anyone this mammoth skinned asshole grew accustomed to his new way of life and became quite bored, this asshole resolved that a new idea was necessary, one that would make me even more powerfull and stronger than ever before. "I got it!" it came to him one morning in his eloquantly decorated cave/ bungalow. he pulled back on a nice hot cup of coffee when he thought, I know! i will generate money by objectifying peoples needs for what i make! they don't really need it of course, they got along fine without it before, but if i make them believe that they are hopeless without my wheel, they'll pay whatever i want them to! this asshole had struck gold! and the world was about to witness the first fruits of; Greed, ambition, power and manipulation. little did this asshole know that what he dreamed up that day would change the face of mankind forever.........To be continued.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Mr. aquanet and a boring day at the ranch

Here i am, sitting in my gay little bedroom that smells of mop and glow with a mixture of febreeze, thinking about how broke i am and how i want to stop staring at these four walls for fear that my eyes will burn with their pixilated imagery.(AND I JUST RAN OUT OF BREATH,and you, probably patience)These past couple of weeks have been rather tough. I started a new job, i'm broke and i have no gas to go anywhere. with that being said i am stuck in my house with nothing to do except; clean, stare at the walls, eat and masterbate, because an asshole like me seldom get's laid and it doesn't help that you don't have the gas, or patience to make it happen in the first place. and for god sakes folks you can only rub one out so many times in a day before your penis is like dude, "give me a break, don't you realize you might actually need me for something else one day, a little privacy please, and besides my foreskin is not on speaking terms with you right now!". sorry penis! so after overexhausting all of my options for mental escape i opted to blog, and read other intriguing blogs. this was of course hard, for fear that i might take up time from my other plans of doing nothing, whatever! who cares. amongst other things today, i dusted my room and talked to my arrogant douchey roomate for about five minutes. I spoke to him in hopes that he could relate to my sitiuation, so i played the poor me card, and he quickly turned his attention back to his ego. He talked about how he sold a bunch of stuff at work today,what a dick. whatever. my roomate is quite funny, if anyone of you can picture the prototypical sleezy car salesman, he fits this bill quite elequantly. Eight pounds of aquanet, a head that struggles to fit through most doorways and a car that costs more than his place of residence, i think this does him justice. at any rate, he hops from girl to match.com girl, in hopes that his binaca and cheap armani knockoff cologne will help him land the next big fish. he really is a fucking riot. he comes home about twice a week, and picks up his forgotten can of aquanet, and then out the door he goes to find the next best thing. Me and my buddy joke that "it's nice of him to stop by the storage unit every once in awhile". we really have a blast harping on this guy, it helps to keep the focus off of our own miserable lives. amongst other things i am off of work today and i'm not sure if i am thrilled about it or not, don't get me wrong,i love my solitude, but being stuck in your house with out any option of leaving is kind of a helpless feeling. the only thing that could be worse is being locked in a a small place with my roomate, while he talks about how he sells alot of stuff and how it takes two cans of aquanet to set his hair straight in the morning. fuck man, my eyes are hurting, i am sure that there are precautionary statements about looking at computers for this long, but frankly i don't know what the fuck else to do.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

why she never called, my story telling adventure and a ridiculous poetic conclusion.

so i figured out why she never called. The black jokes and the glaring signs of racial profiling definetely had something to do with it. at about 2:00 yesterday i sat in my living room perusing through facebook archives, looking at peoples pictures when i connected the dots. I clicked on her pictures and saw her son she had mentioned, he was part black. Oh my fucking god i said, thats why she never called! you see i had coffee with this girl while out of town and i thought things went very well, we chatted and joked, i even wrote a fucking blog, and i didn't just write a blog, but my blog was distinctly about how well my night went with her. Im pretty sure i said something to the effect of, "gee that was a nice night". i am an idiot. if some of you don't know be by now, i have this tendency to put my foot in my mouth and say things that are offensive without even knowing it, in laymen's terms, i am an asshole. so, with that being said when i was having coffee and a so called wonderfull night with this girl, i made a few harmless black jokes. i proceeded to say that one of the girls we both knew probably fucked half the black population in carteret county by now and how i felt uncomfortable at one of her birthday parties because every other person i met was named pookie or tayshaun. and to add to my overflowing cauldron of apparent racial discontention, i mentioned that i hated gangster rap and so on and so forth, it just got worse. I fucked up big time, shit! as we grew deeper into conversation i look back and connect the dots and see the very quiet and shy demeanor i described in my blog had something to do with the slight tinge of racism i was spitting out of my ignorant little lips. all the while not knowing that she ironically had a black baby. i am such a dick folks. if any prestigious university in the united states or abroad had a course of study on "how to be an asshole, while balancing one legged for fear of letting the other foot fall out of your mouth", i would teach that shit, phd the whole fucking nine, don't let the humor steer you away from the sad unproud feeling i have about this. i just find it unbelievable how one guy can singlehandidly make so many serious social mistakes in one lifetime. let's face it, i'm just not that good at this game, the social, and game of life alike. I am a grade "A" flunkie and oddly enough, i take pride in this. Somebody needs to lock my ass up. so after a few day's of delayed response from this girl and the realization that she had a black baby, the dots connected and the stars alligned and yet again my devilish ways got the best of me. amongst other things, i told my personal story of sadness, triumph and redemption to a group of folks who had the unfortunate pleasure of listening to me speak for an hour today, god bless em'. fortunately for me i do not think of them had black babies so my story caused no conflict. i hope. anyway i told my life story to these folks today; honest, naked, open and free, it felt wonderfull. I think that there is no feeling like being amongst a group of people who collectively saw hell and the roads that followed on there journey back, a comraderie and gratitude that is hard to express in my own meer mortal words. i had moments where i felt stripped of my fear and told these people things that i wouldn't write home about, and if i did write home, it would be the last letter i'd ever written, if you get my drift. so, people thanked me and commended me for my honesty and told me that i was a great inspiration and yadda fucking yadda. i don't accept compliments very well. it is hard to accept a compliment on actions that you were in no way shape or form responsible for in the first place, i'm trying to live honest these day's. with that being said, i am so gratefull to that power which has transformed my life and for the first time ever i took absolutely no credit for the words that came out of my mouth, miraculous. god i had to write tonight, my head had an agenda to fill if i didn't. and generally that agenda isn't some pretty little day planner in a leather case, it's a fucking sopping wet bonfire burned, stepped on, cruel book of petry on how to fuck up alex's life. so, with that being said alex will not be fufilling the plans on his minds agenda, hence the reason i produced this filterless offensive chaulked full of goodies asshole rant before you. i think they call that "saving our own skin, at anothers expense". i'm sorry to you folks i mentioned but, sadly people actually like to read this bullshit and a certain entertainment value needs to be relavant for that to continue. so goodnight world, good night moon and goodnight all you assholes who are half fucking loon, untill the sunrises our parting will be all too soon! and i write poetry ( thank you chilhood reading material for the inspiration) seriously though, i'm going to sleep.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

this blog saves my ass...and a thank you.

I wake up unto the world this morning without the sincere desire to write, this confuses me. i feel like a man who has been thrown into an abandoned grain silho with a blind fold on and told to find his way out. an odd analagous way to express my current state of plunder, but fitting nonetheless. i am scared to death. I am scared to death that my new job will overshadow my passion for writing, and my dreams of artistic grandjeur will be left by the wayside, i suppose time will tell and prioritizing will be key. I have not worked on my buddy mitch in about two weeks, not a single word, this concerns me. I see that it will be necessary to discover why this is, maybe because it was inspired by a t.v. show i was obsessed with at the time and i feel pretentious, or on the contrary, i could be lazy. it seems i have to many tennis balls in the air this morning, and not enough time to decide whether i want to further my delusional balancing of these non-existent issues in my life. i'm so fucking confused, it hurts my brain and strains my body, this makes it tough to get arround. why can't i just jump off the cliff and fall headfirst into my passion and start producing the fruits of a sincere desire to share with the world, i don't know, still too many walls, the story of my life. i know that i have this weekend to be free of work stress and fictional issues i create to stay busy with dissatisfaction. so, maybe, just maybe, i can get some work done. I can draw one positive from this cauldron of confusion, and that is that i am blogging, which is a good start but with most and all things,it's not good enough for this guy! i am sincerely happy that i have a place where i can vent my innermost conflictions, this blog saves my ass, it really does. If i didn't get these thoughts out of my head in some form or fashion it would be a struggle of exponential proportions to gather the guster to live most days. i sincerely thank the folks who push me to write and tell me that this javascript dribble is worth reading. and here it is....the sigh....the relief....this thing called writing saves my life, something about pen to paper that is therapeutic for the troubled soul. now before i get carried away on a mushy feel good rant, i must remind you that i have no shortage of; cynicism, annoyance and frustration, after all i have a reputation to live up to!!.....so fuck off folks!!! and i hope the rest of your day is spent contemplating how silly and fancy free your little delusional lives are! sincerely, the truth.